when they drilled holes in your skull and screwed that halo to your head, did you think you could fly?

i've been having existential conversations with everyone in my life. plus those that are not. like strangers in line at mcgill's redtape death swamp (administration building). i've been having them in bed... i've been tearing up through them. i've comforted people through them when i have little comfort even for myself. i've been sputtering plans, nervously chewing my fingernails... i think i've even been grinding my teeth in my sleep, as my jaw is incredibly sore. i'm not sure how one is expected to live through this year... with so much up in the air. especially one like me... who is perversely obsessed with planning. and lists. and maintaining happiness.

i can't be bored after this. i need a plan. i can't just do nothing. it will break me. i know it. and i am scared of this fact.

i feel it. the safety net of academic life being slowly pulled from under my little toes. and right now... i can't see where i'm going to land. all i can see is the horror of the free fall.