if your only contact with me is this blog, it may seem that my life revolves around boys.
(i swear it doesn't. its just that the boys make me feel. and feelings inspire me to write. boys also confuse me. and i like to work it out on here.)

the first kiss. the first finger graze. the first cuddle. things you can't take back. things you can't do over.

"you're so cute. you're like this little thing that i brought home with me from the woods."
(we went hiking.)

i've never had a first kiss with a boy like that... a first kiss that literally turned him to mush. that made him giddy. he showed so honestly what he was feeling... and it was refreshing. and i felt it too. i am a sucker for being held.

he ran after me. ran after my car... to give me his cd to listen to on the way home.

the saddest part of a broken heart, isn't the ending so much as the start.
- feist

during that time
hmmmm... what to tell you. the boy that made me crush... has since become the boy that i'm warming to. the boy that i can spend hours talking to. the boy that makes me feel 16 again. the boy that i am in no rush with. perhaps even the boy that will remind me how to really feel for a boy again? perhaps. we're taking it slow. i can't quite read him. i think its kind of sad that if a boy is not jumping all over me... i doubt that he has feelings for me at all. so we're figuring it out.

but i have a question... can you have that intense animalistic sexual desire for someone AS WELL AS that comfortable, easy, really nice conversational relationship? or are these things mutually exclusive? i'm attracted to him... yes. that's how this whole thing started. but i'm in no rush to take things to a physical level... is something wrong with me? do i only like him as a friend? bah. or is this how good relationships start? i forget. i really do.

is conversation killing my sex drive?

nah. this is good. this is nice. this is easy. and butterflies? yup. they're there. and a desire to see him again even though we just went out yesterday? yup. thats there too.

i love interactions between people... they're messy in the best of ways. human connections are rad. rad i tell you.