point-form update
- i'm done. this is supposed to be the week for enjoyment... the ceremonies and love... i'm excited. i guess.

- i'm circling (actually circling... with pen and everything) waitressing jobs in the newspaper... i'm exaggerating my resume... i feel like i'm in a movie.

- someone called me a redhead and i haven't stopped beaming. why? beats me. but i'm a redhead.

- i bought a whole lot of yarn today. i figured out how to make a shirt. and its cute. i love it. now i know how to fix my mistakes and make this one better. i love crocheting.

- i watched "frida" this morning. it was loverly. inspired me to paint. inspired me to be girly... and emotional. and not have that mean that i am weak. i think that is why i love frida so much. she had this way of being heartbroken, needy, lonely, emotional, teary... yet strong as all hell. and i like that. i want to be all the things i already am... weepy, easily brought to tears, hormonally challenged, emotional as all hell... but i want to think of these things as strengths. she carried womanhood well. if i can be half of what she was... i will be happy.

- i love my mom.

- i am uber lazy all the time. i start each day sipping coffee on my roof and reading. i love the way no one on the street notices me. except for the european old woman across the street who gives me weird looks. oh... and one of the russians that laughed at me as he walked inside. i crochet... and write... i take walks and have toast and honey at my kitchen window. i buy ribbon and wear it as a bracelet. i wear pigtails and go barefoot. i'm feeling different. i'm being really emotional... but it means something. i can't quite put my finger on it... but things are happening inside me. i'm changing and that takes a lot out of me. this explains my laziness. lol. eh, i try.

- i'm in love. i never tire of saying that. *blushes*

here goes
i put on my uniform for the last time. no "last week" or "second last day". this is it. the very last time i am required to wear these pants and this shirt. this is it ladies and gentlemen. i am nervous for this exam. and nervous for finishing. finishing high school. i am more than ready. but my stomach is in knots anyways. it doesn't seem to realize that i've already moved on. it doesn't seem to care that my mind is already out of high school and has been for over a year now. my stomach... it aches this morning. it aches to remind me that i still do care. that this is a big deal. that i will be emotional.

that i've made it.

canadians upstairs
i have a plethora (with strong emphasis on the "thor") of fun russian stories
i have lots of dirty undies and socks
my feet always seem to be bare these days
i just saw my first friends episode in over a week
i've learned the art of italian parents and their lovely need to stock their child's pantry (o yes, pantry.)
i haven't washed my hair in... let's keep that one a secret
i've been making my own food... kinda.
i have learned to sleep through noise
everything is starting to feel... like home. or maybe... just maybe... i am starting to feel like home. get it? or am i being too queen west for you all... mwhahaha.

i'm feeling emotional and artistic.
it's late.
i'm probably just very tired and confused.
which explains this desire i have to write... yet the lack of something to write about.
why am i so boring? lol.
i give in.
night all.

i plan to
i feel very disconnected from the graduation emotions. i feel bad saying I DON'T CARE. my friends are crying and sad and cherishing last moments. i don't care. lol. i am so out of that place its ridiculous. maybe i'm in denial or something. but i doubt it. its weird for me to be around the crying people. i just don't get it. cold as i ice i guess.

the new place is loverly. blogging will be sporadic... whenever i get access to the internet... or until it gets hooked up on jen's computer.

things are weird... i feel alone a lot. alone. not lonely. there's a difference. its a new feeling. a weird one. but not a bad one. there was a lovely fog as i drove home from work today. i love the feeling of fog against skin. i love walking through fog. i love driving through fog. because it scares me. because it makes me feel like i am the only one that exists. like there is a spotlight on me. and the fog stands still everywhere. in all directions. but then its chill reaches my fingertips... it almost seems to work from the inside out. chilling my being and then perhaps leaving through my fingertips. it makes me aware. i love it.

it bothers me when people use science poorly. i have only realized it this year. go oac bio. it bothers me when people throw around scientific terms out of context. when people break down aspects of science so that they are easier to mystify. i don't think i'm saying this right but i hope you're keeping up anyways. maybe this is me becoming a left brainer... or is it a right brainer? i don't know but its bothersome. don't use poor science to somehow discredit science. catch my drift? lol. or don't use science to sound smart. that too. don't come up with a brilliant scientific theory that makes no sense at all if you actually knew anything about science in the first place. now, i know little to nothing about science... but i can point out a faker. believe or don't believe (because i think that science is also something you have to believe in) but be smart about it please. lol.

stresssssss
i'm stressing. and hyperventilating. and worrying. and all of this pointless activity is making it difficult for me to get anything done. really difficult. actually... impossible. and this is making me feel worse. it is a cycle of doom. pull me out. love me. or slap me in the face and tell me to grow up.