i will now compose a song for you. no, not you. yea, you.
i am awake so earlyyyyyyyy (the drums kick it right here)
i feel so dirtyyyyyyyyyy (again, those pounding drums)
im gonna cover it up with some deoderant and pretend i showered
no one will knowwwwwwwww
gotta finish this coffee and strap on the rollerblades
class is a starting and i at least have to be physically present

i hope you liked my crappy song. gotta put on some pants. i figure if one article of clothing is clean... it somehow balances out that everything else is dirty and... verging on unsanitary. i feel bad for whoever has to sit beside me in class.

i want to die in the hot summer
why is it that 2 incredibly inspiring days had to be followed by a CRAPTACULAR excuse for 24 hours. WHY? why is everything bothering me. why am i reminded of all the stupid things i've done, am doing, and will do? why am i already feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork. on a friday, no less. it starts now... and i can't see the end.

i am in a hopeless rut. tomorrow bring me something better. please.

she cried. i wont.
i was reminded today. why im here. i was motivated today. im practically buzzing. it feels good. i know its not going to last. but its nice to be re-energized. about life. about school. about learning. about everygoddamnthing. i feel it.

they stumbled home together. weaving through streetlights, they bumped against each other just slightly... occassionally... gently. it was intimate. quiet. loaded. the city was holding its breath and the streets were losing circulation.

"maybe we'll evolve."
"maybe this is it."

like the first time
why is it that i only lose specific things... multiple times. like tweezers and travel coffee mugs. or how about the same jeff buckley cd over and over. dammit. i really miss that jeff buckley cd... again. o and watches. im a pro at losing watches. need a watch lost? ill do it. me and st christopher go way back in the watch department. as if there is actually a st. who's business is strictly lost and found. heaven's lost and found department... christopher speaking. what a shitty deal for ol' chris. lost and found at school was always smelly and dirty. one lone dirty white sock that no kid in his right mind would come to claim, some moldy sweaters left in the locker room... if i ever did lose anything in elementary school, the last place i wanted to find it was in the lost and found bin. crammed in with some snotty t-shirt and an old shoe. where was i? right. so now i gotta buy another travel coffee mug... and either let the eyebrows run wild... or buy another pair of tweezers. so st. christopher, if you have my tweezers and mug... they're all yours... i dont think i want them back. who knows where they've been? (or what they've been next to)

i am tired. lol.

take me for a drive to the coastline
pull me to the depths of the sea
leave me in the middle of the ocean
i can walk the rest of the way
and i promise not to cry anymore
all the reasons beat the crap out of me
every day when i wake up
they are waiting
but i promise not to cry anymore
cos its the same old plot these days

and im not sure how to fill the void you left. the void i didnt even know i had... until it was gaping... until you reminded me how you had filled it. you reminded me by leaving. or i left? who knows. but i will never understand why you didnt call to say goodbye. never. i thought we were better than that. but maybe i was always right... we werent meant to be friends. its hard to miss someone who wont even say goodbye. who doesnt have the balls to say goodbye. im not sure what you were afraid of. me over-reacting? or me not reacting at all? either way, you are missing out.

and YOU. just a simple hello would fill the void. thats it. i wasnt expecting much from you. i told you that a while ago. and you laughed. but its true. you werent my knight in shining armour. you werent the love of my life. you were there. and i was there. and we happened to click. and i dont think we would have... if i wasnt leaving. it was easy. we both knew i would be gone in a week. its easier to connect when you know there is not going to be a question of the future. so please just say hi. i need to know i wasnt nothing. i need to feel like you werent nothing.

our love... don't mess with our love
our love... its so much stronger