rest in my arms. sleep in my bed.
sometimes i think that my menstrual blood gives me extra clarity in life. it always seems like the day that i start bleeding, sometimes even the actual moment i feel blood trickling into my panties... i get this revelation. this instant of clarity. where everything falls into place and makes sense. like somehow my body and mind connect and my future and my past align themselves. all making a very warm and inviting picture. like vermeer.

anyways. tonight it happened while i was sitting outside on the porch. i watched as the rain started to fall on the sidewalk. i had to do a double take because at first it just looked like the sidewalk was sparkling. then i figured out it was the rain. but i tried to go back and convince myself that i was right the first time. it was sparkling. i thought about school and about life. and i decided that i am going to stop putting pressure on myself. and i've thought this before. but this time, i believed it. it made sense. i am here for experiences and a degree. i do not need to be at the top of my class to get either of those things. this is not the rest of my life. my life is the rest of my life. i was so content that i went inside and sat in the bath for an hour. soaking it up.