last one... i pinkie swear
im not sure why i have such an urge for her to like me... really like me (im not talking about suzie this time). i know she likes me just fine... and that should be enough. i mean, ive never made an overt effort to be best pals or anything. i never wanted that actually. but something about her... something about the kind of person she represents... makes me sad that she doesnt love me. that we dont have some sort of smashing relationship. that she doesnt think im smart and talented and all that jazz. that she doesnt want to know me better... and i know this is unfair. because i dont think i have ever made an effort to let her in. and im not sure why this is a big deal right now. it really isnt. but sometimes i wish that they would talk about me. and she would write stories about me. and she could reaffirm for him the things that he already knows. because from her... i think it would mean a lot. and the fact that i feel like she doesnt affirm these things... like she doesnt talk about me or think about me the way i want her to... like i could be improved upon... and maybe this is all in my head. but i really dont think it is. and maybe i cant blame her.