so far, keeping it together's been enough
i have realized that one of the things i hate most is people who cant take care of themselves. i cannot stand people who cannot deal with their own problems and take care of themselves. i mean physically and mentally. i hate having to parent people and i hate when people expect that there should always be someone there to parent them. people who will let themselves fall apart out of laziness or ambiguity to situations and decisions. it really fucking bothers me to watch people falling apart. and i dont know what to do to help. and this is when i start to see my father in me. i do what i think i can to try to help. i have a certain amount of patience and understanding. but there comes a point where i cant baby you anymore. where you have to take a stand for yourself and if you don't, i will leave. i just get angry. sometimes i really dont see how you can't just pick yourself up. i cant watch. you arent listening to anyone and i cant watch you being stupid anymore. i will detach from you because i don't want to be your parent and i don't want to watch you fall apart. because it frustrates me. perhaps at the root of this is... i hate feeling helpless. and people like this make me feel helpless.

i am horrible for this, i know.