you got me feeling caught up
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh... so when you call, i can be casual about things. when we're together, i can play it cool. when we're kissing, i'm happy with just that. and then i go home and it all comes crashing down. you don't call when i expect you to. all of a sudden my feelings become glaringly clear. what i want becomes so much more visible when i'm not getting it. i realize what you're giving isn't enough. its driving me crazy. you give me a little and i pretend to be satisfied... and secretly i want more. what is this game!? i hate it i hate it i hate it. why did i want love/lust/boys again? its all stress and waiting by the phone and confused, achy stomachs. its not caring when i'm with him and then dying when he doesn't call. its confused and fucked up. its not being sure whether i care or not. i feel like i'm handling things well... and then he doesn't call.

i like when he likes me. i'm good when he likes me. and as soon as he might not anymore... i lose it. even though i'm not even sure how i feel about him. is it sad that my feelings towards him really do depend on how he feels towards me? maybe i can't figure out how i feel until he tells me exactly how he feels.

how many one night stands can we have? why do you keep calling me and inviting me over? if you just wanted to sleep with me... well, we've done that. so what now? is there a reason, a real reason, that you keep wanting to see me?

if i ask you, will you disappoint me?

i need to let you go.