i fought in a war
and i left my friends behind me
to go looking for the enemy
and it wasn't very far
before i would stand
with another boy infront of me
and a corpse that just fell into me
with the bullets flying 'round

and i reminded myself of the words you said...
(- belle and sebastian, i fought in a war)

and the bullets are flying. i'm not sure whether to fire or to lay down in the pit and let my feet rot from gangrene. i remember i had a friend who once thought she had caught gangrene. but she isn't around anymore. at least not for me. but it is like a war. and that song, that moment that gets created. the stand-off. face to face with the enemy boy. and its hard to think of you as anything but an enemy sometimes. and maybe you, yea you over in england, were right. maybe its not always a war like i pretend. maybe there is no upper hand or lower hand or power struggle. but i can't help but conceiving of it as such. and i really want to believe you. you don't know how badly. but i'm afraid. afraid of being hurt. afraid of seeming stupid... to who? i don't know. so i attempt to play these war games... the ones i am horrible at.

and all i really want is that moment. where we can take off our helmets, put down our guns... and look at each other in the eye. really look. and realize that we might just want the same thing. and if we don't, then i can just shoot you and get on with things.