hello and goodbye.
this will be the first and last post addressed to you. i'm not sure whether i need to do this... or whether i just want to. to keep a little tally of things. so here goes... (and i truly stand by my feelings that everyone... EVERYONE teaches you something... every little interaction has the potential to ripple into a huge change or realization within yourself)
verbal pukage... in hopes of coming to some understanding of the rollercoaster ride... i figure if i spew every little incohesive, incomplete thought that is replaying over in my mind, maybe something understandable will take shape.
i was never convinced you liked me. even when you told me. i was always unsure those looks were in my head... and so i became the one that questioned... that revealed insecurities... that wanted too much. i think you were far more realistic than i. i wanted to suck those 3 days together dry... i wanted to see you again... i wanted to sleep in your bed again. but you knew better. and now i thank you for that i think. i don't think we could have ever worked. i think i wanted you to like me... perhaps more than i actually liked you. i think i have a self-esteem problem. i didnt feel interesting enough around you... and i think that was perhaps both of our faults... i didn't answer your questions right... i don't think i was what you were expecting... and i dont think you were exactly what i wanted. you want a lot... and it was far too much pressure to prove myself to you in 3 days. expectations were too high... and perhaps if we had had more time... to get to know each other slowly... to creep into intimacy... maybe it would have worked out better. you were too much, too fast... and i sputtered up water a bit... like a drowning cat... and i don't think either of us knew how to deal with each other. so... i will remember our hands playing games and you telling me... "we'll think of each other."
i fall into people too easily. and i can't quite figure out whether it is a bad thing or not. but i know that i am through pretending to be strong and justifying my irrational feelings. no more covering up for the sake of ego. i will FEEL unabashadly... and everyone else is just going to have to get used to it. i am sick of feeling weak for feeling... i am sick of justifying why i suddenly can't stop thinking about someone that is practically a stranger... no more, you hear? i will be bare.
and you will see... it is not a weakness... it takes incredible strength to be naked.
this will be the first and last post addressed to you. i'm not sure whether i need to do this... or whether i just want to. to keep a little tally of things. so here goes... (and i truly stand by my feelings that everyone... EVERYONE teaches you something... every little interaction has the potential to ripple into a huge change or realization within yourself)
verbal pukage... in hopes of coming to some understanding of the rollercoaster ride... i figure if i spew every little incohesive, incomplete thought that is replaying over in my mind, maybe something understandable will take shape.
i was never convinced you liked me. even when you told me. i was always unsure those looks were in my head... and so i became the one that questioned... that revealed insecurities... that wanted too much. i think you were far more realistic than i. i wanted to suck those 3 days together dry... i wanted to see you again... i wanted to sleep in your bed again. but you knew better. and now i thank you for that i think. i don't think we could have ever worked. i think i wanted you to like me... perhaps more than i actually liked you. i think i have a self-esteem problem. i didnt feel interesting enough around you... and i think that was perhaps both of our faults... i didn't answer your questions right... i don't think i was what you were expecting... and i dont think you were exactly what i wanted. you want a lot... and it was far too much pressure to prove myself to you in 3 days. expectations were too high... and perhaps if we had had more time... to get to know each other slowly... to creep into intimacy... maybe it would have worked out better. you were too much, too fast... and i sputtered up water a bit... like a drowning cat... and i don't think either of us knew how to deal with each other. so... i will remember our hands playing games and you telling me... "we'll think of each other."
i fall into people too easily. and i can't quite figure out whether it is a bad thing or not. but i know that i am through pretending to be strong and justifying my irrational feelings. no more covering up for the sake of ego. i will FEEL unabashadly... and everyone else is just going to have to get used to it. i am sick of feeling weak for feeling... i am sick of justifying why i suddenly can't stop thinking about someone that is practically a stranger... no more, you hear? i will be bare.
and you will see... it is not a weakness... it takes incredible strength to be naked.
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