sometimes:
- i don't think i'm a good friend. i see people that i need... and that i think need me... but i don't have time. i make a quick smile. a hurried hug. i hope it conveys the messages i feel. i hope they get the "i need you" or the "whatever you're feeling... i have felt a version of it" or even the... "please take me out tonight and just tell me everything on your mind." is this how it starts? how the growing up and moving on begins... with hurried hugs that seem to just miss the mark.

- i wonder when i started to inspect my body.

- the only thing that makes me happy is thoughts of moving out and the idea of planning an escape route. i always liked planning. following through is a shitload harder.

- i just want a good game of pick-up soccer.

- saturdays feel like sundays and somehow all the usual sunday feelings get transferred over.

- i want life to be like a book i'm reading. and it hurts so much when it isn't.

- i read my post and realize it sounds a lot sadder than i meant it to.