hek and hell
what bothers me about her... what has always bothered me about her... is her ability to read right through me. at least that's what i think she does. im not sure if she realizes it though. its because of this, i have always wanted to keep her close to me. but she has always wanted to get away. and it has always always bothered me. bothered me the way she doesn't want to be my friend the way that i want her to be. it annoys me the way she knows me so well and then doesn't want to be my friend. it bothered me the way i was on a pedestal for her... but a pedestal she seemed to run away from at top speeds. i feel like i was always at a place where she couldn't be... and i think she sensed that too, and just didnt try. not that i was on a pedestal... i was just a different life. and i don't think ive ever met anyone who could realize things like that the way she could. it angered me. it angered me that she wouldn't even try to be closer to me. i loved the way she looked past my bullshit. the way her stare made me feel naked... and i want her around more. i need to feel naked like that. i need more people around me that don't believe me. that make me feel empty... like a fake. and she knows it. but doesn't care.