for dogs from 12 to 22 kg.
the cottage was loverly. lots of time to think and bathe in the sun. i composed about a million blogs over the two days... and where does it all leave me? even more confused and disheaveled than ever.

i watched the stars with my own little light in my hand. and i wondered if they were watching us. i held the cigarette wondering if i was holding it because of the fire. if the only reason it enticed me was because of the little glow it created. the way it made me feel like part of the stars. and i continued thinking that maybe it was a way for me to be close to a flame. and that is all it was. there was no other purpose than to hold that fire in my hands. and shine a light.

only people of a certain disposition are afraid of being alone at 20. i am of that disposition.

i am scared of going back to montreal and going to bed at night feeling completely alone. like there is no one thinking about me. no one loving me. no one wishing i was with them. there is a void. and its sad that i can't figure out how to deal with it. its sad that i dont remember ever having this void before. it takes someone to fill it before you even realize it was there. and then when they go, the void becomes so huge.

but im still here. a little weaker. my light's a little fainter.

i have spent a lot of time thinking about how these 3 years have changed me. he made me so much better than i thought i could be. showed me so much... about life, about myself... and im not being dramatic here. it truly is amazing to meet someone that can have that kind of an impact on you. so, thank you. because i don't say it enough.

what hurts the most is the idea that maybe i don't do that for him anymore... that the inspiration is gone. but i know its not that simple. sometimes its just hard to think about it any other way. life is simple right? we make it complicated.