up above the sea
i had it. that elusive it. its not enough. "it" is not enough to keep you from constantly questioning. once you've had it for too long, you want to know whether there is more than it. if there's a bigger, better it somewhere out there. its not only that. you start to forget what its like not having it. and you wonder whether its worth keeping it. and sometimes its not worth keeping. not because its not amazing. not because you aren't happy. but because that nagging voice starts getting louder. and louder. so loud that you can't feel "it" anymore. all you can feel is that voice whispering. you feel that voice everywhere. everywhere you used to feel "it".

and all of a sudden, "it" is gone.

he saw my gun, he stared
right into my eyes, I fired
his body exploded
and feathers fell all over my lawn
- john vanderslice