the letter i want to write
nana and grandpa,
thanks for the christmas money. i used it to buy myself a nice big bottle of rum. no, i don't know what i am going to do with my life yet. no, i don't take any science or math courses. women's studies. yes, women's studies. sure, maybe i'll be a journalist. that's something that you'd like to hear. you always encouraged my writing. i used to try really hard to impress you with my poetry when i was little.

you should stop going on so many vacations. i might need some of that inheritance one day. or today.

i don't know why you never tell me when you're sick. i guess it would be an awkward conversation anyways.

i wonder if you see through the scripted emails i send you. i go through my life in nice pie slices. leaving out all the real information. giving you the facts you want to hear. i'm doing well in school, i'm happy.

sometimes all i need is a good nicotine rush.

i often wish i was prettier, more interesting. is it sad that i need someone to reassure me of these falsities?

i feel inadequate a lot. i wonder if that will ever go away.

somedays i wake up and just can't wait until its bedtime again. the things i love about the night, are the very things that make me sad and moody about this time.

i'm drinking some wine right now. i'm getting a little heady. i should probably go now. you two take care. and remember what i said about the inheritance.

love
sam

clearly. i could never write them a letter like this. so i will slip into the grand-daughter mode. i'll write as her. and everything will be peachy.

(o gawd, i'm pmsing right now.)