can you give me some time?
ok. here i go again. trying to untangle the string that has balled itself up in my gut. one end is attached to you in the middle. and im holding the other end. trying to weave in and out of the mess that i've wrapped you up in. half of me wants to leave the mess. and remember it as such. a big tangled up ball of string. not solved. just experienced. but the other half of me wants to dig deep and figure out your motivations and mine. and this is the me that is winning out right now.

don't worry, i will be over it in about a week. just right now, the wounds are still fresh. funny how i feel wounded. because really, in my life... i probably won't ever experience another relationship so painless. so worth it. so healing in so many ways. so easy.

so ive come to think that i agree with jeanette. sex isnt just sex. at least not for me. im not in love with him, but clearly i am attached in ways i dont understand. that maybe only my body does. and i cant separate my heart from my body. and i dont want to be able to. so its going to hurt a little bit... for a little bit of time. but i guess the important thing is... i dont regret anything. even more than that, im glad it happened... again.

and as much as it doesnt seem like it, i appreciate it for what it was. it was spontaneous. it was exciting. it was akward. it was silly. and im glad it was all those things. it was hot. ;p