the bird that you can't see
i am waking up before my alarm. not because i'm well-rested... but because i'm stressed. i'm making lists of my days. i check them off. i complete one task, move to the next... i smile inbetween sometimes. but only quickly. i drink coffee. i stare at the calendar. wondering how i will finish everything. i stare at my incomplete painting. wondering if i will every finish that. my ta for women's studies has made me doubt my writing skills. so much so that I find myself paralyzed when I am trying to start that paper. nothing is good enough for her. i wonder if its really ever been good enough for anyone. i don't think i can write the paper she wants me to. i can't write her paper. i can only write mine. but i don't think she's going to be happy with it. is she too demanding, or am i just not good enough? this is the line i am wrestling on.