the first five times
...fifth time in your bedroom
when finally we rested...

the first time it was awkward
i wrapped myself in blankets
it was unclear whether i should have stayed the rest of the night
we barely looked at each other afterwards

the second time was amazing
we both giggled and sighed after
you invited me to stay the night
and we cuddled

the third time was over thanksgiving
you smiled slyly when you invited me over
you were visibly nervous on the way
you offered me pjs but i declined, knowing they'd be off soon anyways
you reached for me in the morning
and we played with each other's hands

the fourth time was before the new year
your room had changed and i sat on the bed waiting for you
we didnt waste much time
i told you how weird it was to be home
and you replied that not much changes
you were almost late for work the next morning
the goodbye in the car was awkward and perfect.

the fifth time was only a couple of days ago
i was pretty drunk
we lay in bed talking before turning towards each other
i let go.
i tried to burn your image into my head that night
i didnt want to forget
we talked for hours
i think we let each other in a bit more
and in the morning you drove me home

this is turning into a story and i will be interested to see if this was the last five times. or if there's more. its a page turner. but i do know that i loved to look at myself in your closet mirror as i lay in your bed. and i like you. and i can say it now.