she said all that, so she could say this.
so i'm wandering around campus in a food-starved daze. i'm feeling like my fuel tank is on empty, despite the huge bowl of french toast crunch cereal i had this morning. with vanilla soy milk no less. i am wandering because my japanese class was cancelled. apparently the building had no water. and clearly water is important to the japanese. so after i gleefully skip down the hill with some classmates that i am attempting to befriend, (i need a group in japanese for skits, etc. and clearly i am only attempting to befriend them for this reason. lol. o my.) i make the decision to return to my nice, warm bed. i clearly did not get enough sleep with all the lovemaking and talking the boy and i did. clearly. and besides, i think i might be sort of hungover from all the wine we drank. i think this may be why i'm dizzy.

anyways. i'm wandering. and my shaky limbs decide that bed is not an option just yet and so instead of going home, they take me in the general direction of a bookstore. on my way, i pass the mcgill gates, where there is usually a strange man protesting the jewish hospital (i swear he is a mcgill character. remind me to make a list of mcgill characters). anyways, this man with his huge protest sign is absent today and i notice myself looking for him. usually i try to avoid him. in place of this generally harmless, but nevertheless big man with a big sign, i am confronted with some sort of anti-bush/cheney table. as i pass the stand, an old man steps up to me and says, "hey did you hear that katrina gave bush and cheney a blow job?" and hands me a pamplet. and i think to myself, "did that old man just say blowjob?" and yes, i replay the sentence and am convinced he did infact say blowjob. i take his piece of paper because of this. i shove it in my bag because i dont want anyone else to realize that i've been suckered into accepting crap.

i continue on and fall into the bookstore. it is here that i forget to remember that i have no money... and pick this up. it came highly recommended and i decide to finally look into it. lately i have been feeling a lot. a lot of good things. and i decide that it has been awhile since i read something... affective. i need to read something that makes me feel something. its been too long since a book really touched me. so i pick up this book in the hopes that this is the one... what i'm looking for. a book that is going to make sense for me. for the me that is breathing right now.

and now, at home, looking at this new book sitting across the room gets me a little excited. its the excitement of beginnings... before things are spoiled... when you can imagine an unrealistic perfection in something.

the boy and i were being bombarded by flourescent lights in blockbuster last night, when he says, "my favourite part about renting movies is this... not actually watching the movie, but picking one out... and the feeling that the movie you pick out might just be amazing..."

its nice to hold something up... away from reality. for just those miniscule moments. pretend its untouchable. let it live purely as potential.

soft kisses and new books.
what is: things that aren't disappointing yet.