you never speak to me anyway.
i had a late night in the park a couple of hours ago. we lay out our wendy's spread and huddled under the lone light in the schoolyard. we laughed and woke up the people in bed... we screamed when we saw a mouse. we talked. you know. the talks that mean something. not just banter. the talks i live for. the ones that remind you that everyone is alive. that everyone has something to say... something to teach you. i was surprised when she casually mentioned she still had dreams even though i might be jaded myself. i laughed and denied being jaded. i told her i dream all the time. i told her i have huge dreams... huge ideas about what life has to offer me. about what i can make my life about. and maybe i don't have one big dream like her... but i have many little ones... little ones i realize every day. little feelings i chase... happiness i feel... we decided that as long as we can be happy with where we are... and we have a vague idea of how we can always be happy... AND feel that our current path is one that will bring more happiness... a lasting happiness... then we are on the right track. and i don't mean forever happy like the prozac way... i'm chasing a forever happy that doesn't mean i won't get sad and hurt and fucked up... i want a happiness that allows me to embrace it all. to always learn and never numb myself to the world, its intricacies, and... well, myself.

the bumpy road that keeps you guessing/screaming/squealing/laughing like a fool... the one you would never dare stray from.

no, i'm not jaded.