roseability
and my existential dilemma right now... what's the point. ok, but seriously. here i am studying oppression. lets face it. women's studies is the study of oppression. its my window that is opening me up to all the oppression that is going on everywhere. not just to women. to everyone and everything. and its damn depressing. and im thinking that maybe i dont want to delve into this. maybe i want to live my life without constantly being reminded of all the oppression. cant we just forget about it? by continually pointing it out... are we actually doing any good? cant it just be possible to decide to live in my own world... where there is no oppression. wouldnt i be happier? what am i actually going to do about the situation anyways. i almost feel like it would be more pro-active to just decide that i am not going to live oppressed. and maybe stop thinking about the world in these depressing terms. i feel like lots of people do it. im not making sense. but what im trying to say is on the tip of my tongue. i feel it. its in everyone's eyes when i tell them what im studying. its in everyones eyes when i try to convince them of all the badness. its everyone trying to avoid it. and its rubbing off. i dont want to have to feel like i should be opening everyone's eyes. like i have this higher conscience. because i dont. and im becoming someone who thinks she does. and i hate it. i dont. i dont. im no better. i want to close my eyes. i dont want to be angry with everything.

i dont.

you've got off with too much now
you're getting off with too much now
stop looking through scrapbooks and photograph albums
because i know
they don't teach you what you don't already know
you've always been
dissatisfied.