angelina and brad are having better sex than i can even fantasize about. i know this one thing for sure.
i'm sifting through old documents on this here family computer... and what do i find but old high school drama. the old me. this me was different. this me wrote things like "i feel like my emotions are being poured out of me"... or... "i have been trying to get over you since the day i met you"... this me felt her heart exploding. this me fell face first into love like it was a pit of snakes. this me wrestled with everything. everything was felt and expressed... in this crazy way. even reading back... i can't remember what i was feeling when i wrote that "i feel like i've been ripped apart right down the middle"... most of the writing is cliche... but there's something about the way i put it, at the time i was so certain that i felt this things. i dont feel this strongly anymore. at least i havent in quite a long time. i know that the teens are supposed to be a rollercoaster of emotions and intensity... but am i duller now? have my emotions been blunted? i dont feel the way i used to. and i guess reading these old, intense writings... made me realize it. but then i started to think that maybe its not a bad thing. sure, its intriguing to read all these crazy dramatic feelings that swallowed me whole... but i suppose its natural to get off the rollercoaster ride. to take the wheel.

and i think that when you're driving, its harder to pretend like you have no control.

it's hard to remember we're alive for the first time.
it's hard to remember we're alive for the last time.
it's hard to remember to live before you die.
~ modest mouse, your life