of this much i am certain...
i was meant for the crowd
i was meant for the shouting
i was meant to raise these hands with quiet all about me
i just wasted five minutes looking through the online wedding pictures of a stranger. and i'm in my quiet little room feeling very emotional. weddings have the ability to soften anyone. no matter how cynical you are... how down and out you feel about love... seeing someone else's joy... seeing someone else's hope... watching someone BE in love... its enough. its always enough. even if its only you projecting. even then. its enough.
and all my sins were pardoned...
it seems like it should be right. but something's missing. i don't know. there's no edge. which is good, i thought. i think. ah fuck. i don't know. i know that you're incredibly receptive to being loved... and i know i really want you to love me. but i just don't know if its there. i think we want these grandious things... well, at least i do. i think you might want something simple. we want the same things, i just want mine with all the frills and pain... you want the thing plain and simple. i am making no sense and i am thinking in tired metaphors. fuck. this is just all bad.
i'm pushing it. pushing to know whether this could be an "it"... not a forever "it," but a REAL IT. i'm just not convinced you are open to letting it be an "it." and that is what my frustration boils down to... i'm not sure why but i am just not in a space right now to fuck around. maybe i honestly don't know how to fuck around. i don't want to waste time if you are not open to this being something important. because i don't want to get hurt. maybe because i don't half ass anything if i can help it. i don't half ass emotions. i can't. and i really don't want to fuck around with someone who has no need for an "it." i like that things are easy with you... but i tend to think that easy is passionless. so bear with me. i'm getting used to you. i'm trying to understand you. i'm realizing we don't know each other very well. i'm learning how you are... learning what you need and what you can give... and you are so incredibly simple sometimes... that its throwing me off, ok? its warming me... its confusing me... its forcing me to think about everything... about what i want, about what i need... ahhhhhhhhhh
fuck, i love human interactions. i'm boiling somewhere deep in my belly.
i was meant for the crowd
i was meant for the shouting
i was meant to raise these hands with quiet all about me
i just wasted five minutes looking through the online wedding pictures of a stranger. and i'm in my quiet little room feeling very emotional. weddings have the ability to soften anyone. no matter how cynical you are... how down and out you feel about love... seeing someone else's joy... seeing someone else's hope... watching someone BE in love... its enough. its always enough. even if its only you projecting. even then. its enough.
and all my sins were pardoned...
it seems like it should be right. but something's missing. i don't know. there's no edge. which is good, i thought. i think. ah fuck. i don't know. i know that you're incredibly receptive to being loved... and i know i really want you to love me. but i just don't know if its there. i think we want these grandious things... well, at least i do. i think you might want something simple. we want the same things, i just want mine with all the frills and pain... you want the thing plain and simple. i am making no sense and i am thinking in tired metaphors. fuck. this is just all bad.
i'm pushing it. pushing to know whether this could be an "it"... not a forever "it," but a REAL IT. i'm just not convinced you are open to letting it be an "it." and that is what my frustration boils down to... i'm not sure why but i am just not in a space right now to fuck around. maybe i honestly don't know how to fuck around. i don't want to waste time if you are not open to this being something important. because i don't want to get hurt. maybe because i don't half ass anything if i can help it. i don't half ass emotions. i can't. and i really don't want to fuck around with someone who has no need for an "it." i like that things are easy with you... but i tend to think that easy is passionless. so bear with me. i'm getting used to you. i'm trying to understand you. i'm realizing we don't know each other very well. i'm learning how you are... learning what you need and what you can give... and you are so incredibly simple sometimes... that its throwing me off, ok? its warming me... its confusing me... its forcing me to think about everything... about what i want, about what i need... ahhhhhhhhhh
fuck, i love human interactions. i'm boiling somewhere deep in my belly.
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