like a drunken pirate shipwreck.
i am making a promise right now. a promise to me. a promise to you. a promise because i can't remember the last time i made a real one. and that is shitty.
so i am promising. promising that this will be the final post on the recent saga with a certain boy. i am promising this because i have been in a really good place lately. and in this place, i will not obsess. i will let it be. i will walk home alone smiling to myself. i will drag my feet and feel content with it all. i am promising because i can't quite figure him out. and i can't be bothered to try. so i am promising to stop looking for a sign. i am not in a place to chase. to win. to proove something. i am in a breezy place right now. and in this place, i promise to be the one to step back. i promise to take my head out of this feeling. i promise to try not to write stories in my head for us. i can't figure out the truth under all my concocting. i can't even figure out if i'm concocting at all. (it was a beautiful thing in my head though. just so you know.) we were stuck in a very intense environment... and its over. so maybe i was caught up in that. i don't know if we exist outside of that environment. hell, i don't even know what existed inside of it.
i felt it. for a second. maybe we peaked on that walk. and if we did... i promise to get over it. if anything comes of this... it comes. but i promise not to hunt it down. i'll let it get away, to wherever it needs to go. i am promising to put my shotgun away. tuck it under my bed. and continue on unarmed.
i've hunted before. i've obsessed before. and to what end?
this time. if i know him at all... i know he won't let me get away if he wants me. i am content knowing that he has to be the hunter here. i need to be hunted. it has to be that way. it just does.
maybe it sounds like i will sit and wait. maybe it does sound like that. that is what it sounds like i suppose. that is wrong. i'm tired. things don't need to be hard.
he knows where i am. i know where he is. its not hard. its not hard.
i am making a promise right now. a promise to me. a promise to you. a promise because i can't remember the last time i made a real one. and that is shitty.
so i am promising. promising that this will be the final post on the recent saga with a certain boy. i am promising this because i have been in a really good place lately. and in this place, i will not obsess. i will let it be. i will walk home alone smiling to myself. i will drag my feet and feel content with it all. i am promising because i can't quite figure him out. and i can't be bothered to try. so i am promising to stop looking for a sign. i am not in a place to chase. to win. to proove something. i am in a breezy place right now. and in this place, i promise to be the one to step back. i promise to take my head out of this feeling. i promise to try not to write stories in my head for us. i can't figure out the truth under all my concocting. i can't even figure out if i'm concocting at all. (it was a beautiful thing in my head though. just so you know.) we were stuck in a very intense environment... and its over. so maybe i was caught up in that. i don't know if we exist outside of that environment. hell, i don't even know what existed inside of it.
i felt it. for a second. maybe we peaked on that walk. and if we did... i promise to get over it. if anything comes of this... it comes. but i promise not to hunt it down. i'll let it get away, to wherever it needs to go. i am promising to put my shotgun away. tuck it under my bed. and continue on unarmed.
i've hunted before. i've obsessed before. and to what end?
this time. if i know him at all... i know he won't let me get away if he wants me. i am content knowing that he has to be the hunter here. i need to be hunted. it has to be that way. it just does.
maybe it sounds like i will sit and wait. maybe it does sound like that. that is what it sounds like i suppose. that is wrong. i'm tired. things don't need to be hard.
he knows where i am. i know where he is. its not hard. its not hard.
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