i'll get along...
well i am listening to music again. joanna newsom no less. i am in a weird state. possibly due in part to my wicked hangover. i lay in bed for 4 hours this morning/early afternoon... staring at the ceiling and letting my thoughts roll around... while trying not to irritate my aching self. i am restless. i don't want to finish this semester. i know we all say that... but today, i found myself contemplating the pros and cons of actually not finishing. i'm feeling stuck here. and its bothersome because no one is actually holding me down. i could go.

i'm kind of scared of my feelings. i am feeling cruel. i feel alone. and something about this feeling... its not right. i'm not feeling "lonely"... i'm feeling alone. i'm feeling brutal. i'm feeling too honest. pessimistic. realistic. i'm feeling like i could kill your kitten with my bare hands.

i hope its simply a side effect of residual vodka... i'm thinking its not. jess told me the other day... you know those feelings you get? the ones that you convince yourself are in your head... or don't actually exist? the ones you blame on having a bad day... the ones you blame on pms... the sinking feelings you tell yourself you are only imagining... those feelings. you know. well... jess told me that these feelings... instincts... they're usually spot on.

its a scary thing.