twist the knife.
my throat is scratchy this morning. and my uterus is melting. dripping. landing in my old panties. saved for such an occasion. so easy to forget what is happening right now. destruction. my body sadly giving up the hope of fertilization. crying blood. yet stubbornly preparing the womb again. maybe next time right? if only i could be as diligent.

i had a dream that you came over unexpectedly. and i was in the bathroom washing my shoes and socks in a lettuce spinner. you pulled up a chair.

strangers are moving in now. the familiar faces are slowly being replaced with different contours. different slopes. forced smiles. i go to parties now filled with strange faces. i am getting better with banter... it isnt so bad. i am finding a way to think of it less as faking... and more as... an intimate form of people watching. his influence no doubt. once you stop thinking about yourself as the centre, and get over feeling insecure and watched... you realize there is a lot to be seen.

i need to go take some pictures today.