it never changes to stop.
writing is hard. setting the tone for a post is very important. where do i begin? how do i get you to get me? what scene from my day will best convey everything i am feeling?

so it was 3ish... my head was still spinning from last night's debauchery. i remember starting a dance floor. i remember writing in justin's notebook. it was a matisse quote. i remember grabbing my roomie's face and telling her how amazing she is. i stole a kiss in your new room. i learned why hal left victoria, bc. i ripped someone's shirt. i got invited to a party may 5th. i drew on a chalkboard. i checked out your ex. she smiled at me. we look like complete opposites. her of the dark-haired, curvy, hippy cool, wallflower variety. me with the freckles, bad posture, and made-up face.

so it was 3:15ish... i was staring at my white ceiling. i had a bag of popcorn for breakfast/lunch. i noticed you cleaned up after yourself in the kitchen. three different glasses of water were lying around my room. each at different levels of emptiness.

10:15... you got up. you were perky. i was in pain. you made yourself breakfast and broke a glass. you made sure to tell me to wear shoes in the kitchen. i told you to shut up. you told me you had to be chatty... it was the only time we'd be spending together today. you laughed at the way your male friends "picked out" my roomie and i. i shrugged. smugly, of course. you told me the ex gave her approval. i wondered what she saw in me.

at 3:30 i tried to call my ex. my head was still in poor shape and i needed something comforting. plus i needed to tell him. to hear him smiling.

at 12 last night i walked into your party... the party at your new place. i had a plan. i was with my favourite girl. we didn't know anyone there. we were to mingle... work the room... not depend on you. i was going to meet your friends, dance, not need you, and be untouchable. i drank heavily before arriving.

tonight. i wondered how soon is too soon to call you again.


"we have so much time."