my excuse.
i'm starting to worry... i'm starting to push back the sinking feeling i have... the feeling that once school is over, i am going to be a complete mess. right now, school is my life. it is my justification for not having a job. it is my reason for being in montreal. it is the one sentence that assures everyone that i am doing something productive: "i'm in university." but uh... is that all i've got going for me? once university is over... i will have nothing. sure, i'll have a degree... but what the hell does that actually mean, in a real sorta way? its depressing me that i haven't managed to accomplish great things yet. and realistically, i won't ever. but school just seems to take up so much of my time... that its hard to have a life outside of this bubble. or maybe i'm just being lazy. why haven't i written something yet? what do i want to do? what are my passions i am always talking about?! sure, i would die to be a writer... but if i'm too timid to even share most of what i write... what good is that dream? i would love to get into photography... but i'm so poor i have seven rolls of film sitting in my room waiting to be developed. i think i'd like to travel, but half of the time travelling just seems like... well... like diving off the deep end. but you know... i'm supposed to want to travel, right? ah fuck, i'm depressing myself and it isnt even 10 yet. i have a long day ahead...

and i'm not feeling very interesting... or worthwhile for that matter. sometimes i feel like i've lost it. plus, i am incredibly ugly this morning. they need to invent a foundation that erases the ugg.