wild pack of family dogs.
sometimes i forget those memories. when people ask me about you... ask me what went wrong. why i feel the way i do about the relationship we have. i forget the memories then... i'm forgetting them when i am able to sum things up in adult talk... "we're just two very different people."

and then sometimes... when i'm lying alone in my bed... unexpectedly... the child me, she remembers. and i start to cry. i remember it all. the feelings that used to consume our house. the fights. the yelling. every word you repeated. the way i felt. the way it hurt. how unfair it all seemed. running up to my room. running to the car. running for the phone. running for a pen. that time it seemed you could have hit me. i'm sure you wanted me to think that you could have. all the times i fell down. the times i gave up. the times i slinked upstairs... hearing your yelling anyways. how i learned to pretend not to care. how i told myself not to care. i would curl up in front of my mirror... watch the tears... and scold myself.

it usually feels like a lifetime ago. until nights like tonight.