i got no one left to mourn for me.
in class, we discussed narratives in men's and women's magazines. a boy spoke up and explained that in women's magazines, "getting and keeping a man" equals success. a woman is deemed successful if she gets the man. this is clearly nothing extremely eye-opening... one only needs to glance over the covers of women's magazines to see that. but the way he phrased it made me reflect on my own experiences. he went on to explain that in men's magazines, the narrative was quite different. a woman was not the definition of a successful man... she validated his achieved success. having a woman on your arm, as a man, did not MAKE you successful... it was a marker that you were successful.
i relate to this. when i "have a man," i feel a content that no other achievement gives me. i don't know what this has to do with cultural narratives... but i'm willing to assume it might have a lot to do with them. when i have a man... it is then that i am most motivated in other areas of my life. its like having a man really does make me feel successful... successful enough to feel confident in all other relationships/pursuits/etc.
and... in all honesty... i see it. i see guys i know that do not have this same feeling. i see guys who have it all together... and treat the girl like icing on the cake. she is something that fits ontop of everything else in his life. she is of course still appreciated, loved, etc... after all, cake without icing is surely not as tasty... but its still cake.
making sense? no? well... i'm still reflecting. i guess i was aware of all of this before... but right now its just seeming incredibly fucked.
which brings me to something else... i feel like lately i have become hyper-sensitive to things that i have been exposed to before. i have been breaking down when confronted with them. i have been crying over my coursepacks... in movie theatres... on the bus. seeing things i always see... reading things i always read... but lately... i've been GETTING them. i'm not complaining... i love it. i love when i can let domestic violence statistics bring me to tears... when a movie about queers coming out in the third world can have me holding back sobs... is it crazy to think that all of this... this emotional momentum... may lead me to something great? because thats what i feel like.
in class, we discussed narratives in men's and women's magazines. a boy spoke up and explained that in women's magazines, "getting and keeping a man" equals success. a woman is deemed successful if she gets the man. this is clearly nothing extremely eye-opening... one only needs to glance over the covers of women's magazines to see that. but the way he phrased it made me reflect on my own experiences. he went on to explain that in men's magazines, the narrative was quite different. a woman was not the definition of a successful man... she validated his achieved success. having a woman on your arm, as a man, did not MAKE you successful... it was a marker that you were successful.
i relate to this. when i "have a man," i feel a content that no other achievement gives me. i don't know what this has to do with cultural narratives... but i'm willing to assume it might have a lot to do with them. when i have a man... it is then that i am most motivated in other areas of my life. its like having a man really does make me feel successful... successful enough to feel confident in all other relationships/pursuits/etc.
and... in all honesty... i see it. i see guys i know that do not have this same feeling. i see guys who have it all together... and treat the girl like icing on the cake. she is something that fits ontop of everything else in his life. she is of course still appreciated, loved, etc... after all, cake without icing is surely not as tasty... but its still cake.
making sense? no? well... i'm still reflecting. i guess i was aware of all of this before... but right now its just seeming incredibly fucked.
which brings me to something else... i feel like lately i have become hyper-sensitive to things that i have been exposed to before. i have been breaking down when confronted with them. i have been crying over my coursepacks... in movie theatres... on the bus. seeing things i always see... reading things i always read... but lately... i've been GETTING them. i'm not complaining... i love it. i love when i can let domestic violence statistics bring me to tears... when a movie about queers coming out in the third world can have me holding back sobs... is it crazy to think that all of this... this emotional momentum... may lead me to something great? because thats what i feel like.
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