red silver sounds in your belly
you need a dream to drown you out

tired day... barely woke up before i needed a nap... i suck at calculus... slept away the beautiful day... left for work... but not before snapping at my sister and calling my mom a bitch... i regret. tried to forget on the way there... my money was there. i was happy. it wasn't busy. i sat staring out the window. it was warm. the back door was open. there was a breeze. i was drinking hot coffee. i wasn't feeling that good. i started crying. there was no one there to hide from. i laughed at my stupidity. why was i crying? i let the wave wash over me. felt better. that's how it should be. busy night. lots of wine and mudslides. got out of hand... businessmen begging for alcohol after closing time. being ridiculously pathetic. wanted to knee them in the crotch. throw them out. hurt them. show them a mirror. they probably wouldn't see. a drunk woman almost being carried out by her husband (?). it was my alcohol that did it. but i took the tips. and said "cheers". it disgusted me.

feeling needy. uh oh. tears again. this drink isn't helping. a stiff drink is a mixed blessing. can't tell if my feelings are numbed or amplified. i'm sorry. no reason to feel this way. i'm sorry.

you're already in hell, you're already in hell/i wish we could go to hell/when the bottle gets empty/then life ain't worth the drown